Exquisite Simplicity.....Day 8

You've forgotten me already I know, but you will never forget the experience.  This goes deeper and farther than most can conceive.  You're grasping to regain what you have lost, but you are unsure of where you have been and what you have truly seen.  There are no words that will further edify this situation to make it better or to encourage your survival.  Hunting without weapons and reaping the gift you have given are not for everyone.  The species is vanishing and taking with it the utopia that once existed daily back in earlier times.

What one would do to step through the spectrum to truly see how things were, are, and could be? Supernatural and unspoken goes the thundering shudders to the being that once was. How piercing desires can be causing the blade to leave a tattoo of the separation that is embraced unknowingly.  Reflections are now empty and no more...close your eyes...

Torn Litany.....Day 7

What is the soul?  A question I ponder on often, not because I care, but its been so long I can't remember what it felt like.  I hear the stories and the rants that I have no soul and how could I do what I do to destroy something so filled with light and life, etc, etc...  Nevertheless, in my experience what I have found is that there are really hardly any souls left.  More often than not, I am already dealing with a lifeless, useless, disgusting, and incredible dark form of what you might call human.  The warmth that exists is not because of the soul, but because of the hate and the selfishness and the lack of being for others.  Heat is generated that gives the impression there is a spirit, however its just a facade of the remnant of what is an unrecognizable life.

I do a service for the rest of those that remain out there.  Sadness may be expressed for a spell; it will pass.  Don't harbor vindictive ideas or thoughts of revenge.  They won't replace your loss nor will they overcome the strength of who I am.  Have solace in knowing you have survived another day.

"As I always say, one must never be afraid to look deep down into the darkest depths of oneself where the light never reaches." ---Elizabeth, "Daughters of Darkness"

Lucid Images.....Day 6

Not sure if I have the patience to wait.  My mind is racing in anticipation.  I'm retracing the original steps and planning that occurred.  Did I forget something?  There is no feeling anymore, that was lost a long time ago.  The future does not seem to change, yet there is always a new day.  Nothing is created anymore.  There are many impostors, fakes, pretenders, and liars.  They always deny, deny, deny.... How can they be so simple minded and think that how they lived would not make any difference in the end.  On one hand there is darkness on the other hand there is light.  I've learned that whatever happens it is a choice.  Both parties involved need to make many considerations before the final steps are taken.

I often relate these times to going down a rabbit hole and being surprised by what could be found.  This is not like Alice in Wonderland or Little Red Riding Hood, there is no fantasy world or fairy tale story to be told here.  Punishment comes to mind, but pleasure overrules along with pure enjoyment.  Or is it like that dull toothache pain that is always there in back of the mind and never goes away?  Sometimes the imagination can be worse than the reality.  In this instance, watching the struggle, the determination to break free, and then the vanishing light and energy begin the count down.  If only I didn't wish to indulge my desires, maybe things would last...maybe...

Wondering Night.....Day 5

Interesting how this day turned out.  Long days and long nights are part of the life.  Working to prepare the scenario required much thought and arrangement.  Its amazing what people think they can get away with these days.  The entitlement and the righteousness that spills over to being so unbelievably arrogant.  I guess I didn't realize how much of that was out there.  That will not deter the effort being put into the selection I have made.  It seems selfish to many, however in focusing on the purpose behind who I am and the satisfaction I receive in fulfilling that incredible thirst, I don't regret and I will not be sorry.  The taste is almost indescribable, but it also leans toward a richness that many wouldn't know how to appreciate it. 

"Everyone knows the phenomenon of trying to hold your breath underwater - how at first it's alright and you can handle it, and then as it gets closer and closer to the time when you must breathe, how urgent the need becomes, the lust and the hunger to breathe. And then the panic sets in when you begin to think that you won't be able to breathe - and finally, when you take in air and the anxiety subsides...that's what it's like to be a vampire and need blood." ~ Francis Ford Coppola's journal

True Destiny.....Day 4

“There's nothing worse than waiting and not knowing what'll happen to you. Your own imagination can be crueler than any captor.” ~ Richelle Mead, Frostbite

One of my favorite quotes of all time.  I imagine what goes through one's mind every time I start this process and begin planning this day.  Everyone is different, like night and day.  What one enjoys another does not.  What one expects is completely opposite from another.  It's like when you take that first drink for the first time, you think you cannot get enough and that somehow you will never be satisfied, but once that taste extends and you feel the warmth from the source you start to drift towards that feeling of ecstasy....and the pleasure begins to grow and tingling and fire explodes.  These are the moments of true destiny that bring to "light" literally the purpose behind who I am now and who I will continue to be.  Come join me, so you can see the vision I have for us...

Complications.....Day 3

...Honestly, I've always hated planning parties, especially when I happen to be the one at the center of attention.  Even though, my guests are dedicated to the evening and ceremony surrounding the celebration, I am often times disgusted at the effort and the energy one must put into making sure all the appropriate settings are in place, the attire is impeccable, the decorations and lighting and the ambiance is perfect.  At the end however, it is always worth it though.  I've always treasured my birthday.  Many of my friends and acquaintances don't seem to understand the importance around this.  Regardless of the fact that age and getting older are no longer relevant for many of us, surviving another year and being able to be me are what I look forward to.  I can only hope that my reluctant guests can eventually appreciate the nature of their participation to quench the craving of their precious gift to me...

Desirable Expression.....Day 2

...I'm sooo tired.  So unusual to hear that I'm sure, but the screaming was relentless.  Normally I wouldn't complain, it's a most enjoyable background noise to a lovely evening at home before the games begin, but not in this case.  The sob stories started the moment they realized their destiny and then proceeded as they became rather annoying with excuse after excuse after excuse.  I know, I could have chosen to change the outcome; however, I decided to endure and let the emotional display continue.  I did not want to distract them from their inevitable future by making it easier for them so the screaming was allowed.  Next time, a different thought process will be employed that will make the preparatory stages flow for a more ecstatic and desirable personal elucidation.